"What if?"

Call me crazy, but I am the only person that gets absolutely freaked out about thinking of my future?

It's not exactly something people can say "Just don't think about it!", because you HAVE to think about it. It's your future!

Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking, like what am I going to do after high school? Can I do that? Where am I going to live? How am I going to pay my bills? Who's going to help me? Am I going to get married? What kind of guy will I get married to? Will I have kids? What if I don't? Who's going to take care of me I am old and can't bathe myself? Will I be in a nursing home? Who's going to visit me? How will I die? WILL I make it in life? Am I going to be okay?

Thinking this has absolutely TERRIFIED me lately. It has put me in this stressed out mood for weeks.

My problem is I keep thinking ''What If''. What if I don't get married? What if I'm miserable? What if I don't finish college? What if I'm not a successful doctor? WHAT IF?!

I cannot just stop the "What If" scenarios, though. It's caused so much stress and anxiety that I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't keep a simple conversation going. It's putting a huge downer on the present and I feel like a 'Debbie Downer'.

BUT, I have been doing a lot of reading lately, and even though I'll probably stress about it non-stop till the day I die, here's some steps to help cope with the anxiety if you're going through something similar.

1. Stay in the NOW, don't let yourself drift off in a negative scenario. Aware yourself right now you ARE okay. It's okay to be a tad stressed out here and there, but letting it over rule your current life is not okay.

2. "You can have thoughts, but you don't have to think them." In other words, it's okay to be aware of what to expect or not to expect, but letting it fulfill your entire mind is going to be stress on you. Be aware of things, just don't let them take over your every thought.

3. Try and concentrate on what you DO want, and work towards those goals. For example, I want to be a psychologist, therefor I'm doing the best in school and keep racking up every scholarship that I can get.

4. 90% of the things we worry about, never happen. The other 10% are things that could have never been changed.

5. Imagine that your 70-80 years old, and you're looking back on your life wishing you wouldn't have spent to much time worrying about the future and wasted so much precious life away. So STOP worrying, because the time you finally stop, you are going to be too old to live a little. Unless of course your idea of living is playing chess with some old guy with snot running out of his nose.


If you've ever experienced this type of anxiety and are/have been stressed out about what your life has in store, leave some comments! Let me know how this helped and/or you plan to overcome this!

Teen Suicide.

Everyone hits rock bottom at one point. Solid rock bottom. Everyone feels like they can't get back up and that it's just too overwhelming. From experience, I understand. How it feels to fall face first on to solid concrete, and how you just don't even want to bother getting back up because, what's the point? They'll just knock you back down anyways, so there is no point. You think that it would be better to just stay put, and let everyone get to you. I understand how hard it is to be in a situation like that.

Congratulations, you got to me. You pushed me down at my lowest of the low. Do you fell satisfied? Do you honestly get JOY out of that? Because if you do, you're one sick bastard. 

Not saying that I would consider this, or that I have considered this, but it's people like you that make teens commit suicide. 

How would you feel if your the reason that poor little Susan stopped coming to school? Or if your the reason that little ole' Johnny's parents are constantly crying, wondering why their son couldn't come to them about this? So that maybe, just maybe, they could have helped. Do you think them knowing would have spared him is life? Because I don't. I feel like that when you are in a situation like that, you pretty much don't care what everyone else has to say, or the advice they have to give. Because once it's crossed your mind, you're mind is made up. Now, I wouldn't know. But, I'm just saying. How would you feel?

Because in all honesty, I hope it kills you. And I hope that it eats away at your conscience every single day for the rest of your life. Maybe you don't know what it feels like to lose a loved one, or too lose a friend over something like this. But believe me, there are plenty of people out there that do.  Including me. 

So there you go, world. There you have it. You have successfully hurt someone so much that they couldn't handle it. KUDOS TO YOU, MURDERER. 

And on another note, when you purposely do something to someone, knowing that they are already hurt enough, and you know that they've gone through a lot as it is, you're sick. And I hope you burn in hell for what ever it is that you've done/do. And everything that happens to you, you have it coming. You deserve it. Every single bit of it. because guess what? God is looking out for that person that you just hurt. They just gained brownie points with the man upstairs, and you've just bought yourself with a one-way ticket to Hell. 

So, have fun hurting people. I hope it's all worth it in the end. When everyone turns on you because one of those people you've hurt, gives up, I hope you regret it. 

As for me, ONE of those people you've mindlessly hurt, I'm still smiling. And I'm still stronger than you will ever be. I've got God on my side, and with him anything is possible. 

Does that make you happy, now? To know that I'm STILL smiling as I type this? 

"Things get worse before they get better."

                                                                              -anonymous